1. “I’m running errands” is code for “I’m going to Target. See you in about a hundred bucks”.


2. Always shop Target with a buddy (and without kids). It’s like a vacation.


3. Shopping Target clearance totally counts as cardio.


4. . . . and squats.



5. Target, you had me at gift card.


6. We don’t go to Target to get what we need. We go to Target to find out what Target has for us.


7. Never shop Target on an empty stomach.


8. Me looking at random artificial plant, “I don’t know why but I feel like I need this”.



9. Me: I have no money. I’m so poor right now.

Also me:


10. Target cashier: Did you find everything you were looking for?

Me: Well, first of all, I wasn’t looking for any of this. . .


11. Me: Should I buy it?

Brain: no

Wallet: no

Universe: no

Me: sold


12. Never get in line behind a dinosaur with coupons. They take ages.



13. Target clearance — lower is not always better.


14. I go into Target for milk. I come out with 2 outfits, 4 boxes of diapers and eighty bucks of home decor.
oh. . . and no milk.


15. See you tomorrow, Target.


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